My advice to you- 44 year old lady – is that you’ve missed the boat.  Watch “Glasto” on TV and go to Royal Ascot next year. Stay a Glasto virgin -it’s no place for you.

It costs on average a thousand pounds to go to Glastonbury which is more than most self-supporting under thirties can afford. That has meant it is a festival supported by the bank of Mum and Dad and embarrassingly oft- attended by Mum and Dad.

If you  think young people want Mums and Dads at Glastonbury, then you’re probably ripping holes in your denim hot pants right now after sourcing your tickets from a cyber-scalp. You are not a young person!

The line up this year is as always tilted towards the arm-waving Pyramid stage mega-acts but the action will be in the tents less well-known where young kids will be playing their hearts out because they love being musicians at one of the world’s great musical shows.

“What to wear” is an incidental detail. Being there is everything , being there with your mates in the sun with the things that make a party happen.

But if you are 44 and a Glasto Virgin and planning to hang out and get noticed, then here are the kind of things you should be considering purchasing before setting off. Think twice, there is probably someone you know who could do with your ticket and was born this century!

I’m sure you’ll feel “ab-fab”, but you’re fat and old – queuing for the house of lords (Strummer)

What comes next?

It is 40 years since I last went to Glastonbury, I was 21 then and already feeling a “boring old fart“.  We left uni early – never graduated . I got a piece of paper to remind me of 3 years ill-spent. I’d had most of my fun at school.

Youth ends with your teens and you spend the rest of your life trying not to be adult.

But you are and what comes next is different.

Let the kids be – the kids are alright.