Insurrection and resurrection! A sideways glance at pension titillation.

Thanks to Martin Baker – fellow Yeovil Town enthusiast for this nice juxtaposition.

The Lord Giveth-and the Lord Taketh Away -these articles appeared within four days of each other.

Perhaps Express newspapers worked out that putting “Pension ” on the front page was almost as good as getting “Penis”.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the hidden penis in pensions wasn’t the word’s principle marketing point. This is of course the day that Suki Waterhouse posted super-sexy lingerie shots on Instagram (thanks again Express newspapers – I’m following)


Punk poet John Cooper-Clarke penned the immortal line

“you’ll never see a nipple in the Daily Express”

nor will you see a penis, they’re just suggested!

Bear 1 – Baiters 0

Talking of penises, I spent some of yesterday afternoon watching the bear-baiting that is the Work and Pension Select Committee. The bear being baited was Baroness Altmann and her tormentors were a pack of baying Parliamentary mastiffs, ranging from Frank Field (an old male member) to the post-pubescent Mhairi Black.

If you want to see our Pension Minister – ( with decolletage) in action, here she is
I’m happy to say the Bear survived and added a little to the Pension Minister’s reputation with an assured performance. If Ros Altmann had the confidence that became her intellect, compassion and decency , she would be the pension minister we want her to be.

It was greatly to her credit that she didn’t give former pension minister Steve Webb, a kick to the cojones, but she didn’t. She has been abandoned and let down by her former friends, but this column will continue to champion her – prick she ain’t!


Death and Rebirth 2

But back to the Daily Express and its pension headlines. Once I’d stopped being diverted by lovely pouting Suki, I discovered that these two headline grabbers were both based in fact.

This is based on a survey by pension consultancy JLT and reminds us of what we all know, that if you are in the private sector, you are on your own.

I was amused to see that one of only three DB pension schemes surveyed that showed a surplus was run by Tullet Prebon and sponsored by Terry Smith of Fundsmith. Terry, the old rascal, has had the temerity to invest his pension scheme in real assets and has invested for the long  term putting two fingers up to those who consider pensions an “exercise in risk management”. What a penison! (shurely shome mishtake-ed)

From insurrection to ressurection

I wonder how many more kinds of erection I can wring out of the Daily Express this morning, but be thankful- I have a meeting to go to!

Death and Rebirth

Only four days before we heard of the death of the decent pension, pensions got a viagratic stiffener thanks to the “news” that

MILLIONS of people will be better off thanks to a state pension revolution being launched in April.

Well I never, pensions on the up!

Sadly markets fall as well as rise and between the two stories we’ve been treated to an Expression of catastrophe

World economy MELTDOWN: China stock losses spark panic sell-off and FTSE drops £113BN

and Pensioner Robert Downing robbed of any savings he thought he’d made when switching to ExtraEnergy

Pensioner’s shock £400 bill from new supplier

Perhaps Robert should realise than when you get to later life Extra Energy is hard!

After so much innuendo , you’ll be pleased to know that this is the end of this scurrilous blog, tomorrow normal service will be resumed – till then I leave you with this saucy dollop of equine frivolity!

5o shades



About henry tapper

Founder of the Pension PlayPen,, partner of Stella, father of Olly . I am the Pension Plowman
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3 Responses to Insurrection and resurrection! A sideways glance at pension titillation.

  1. George Kirrin says:

    Tullett Prebon Pension Scheme is closed to new members and future accrual, Henry. There are no continuing contributions.

    I refer you to note 34(a) of their 2015 annual report.

  2. George Kirrin says:

    The JLT research said no FTSE 250 company would have an open DB scheme this time next year.

    Your own firm’s pensions are DC (yes, Henry, sad that I am, I checked the LLP accounts too).

    I’m more interested in reading about DB schemes which are still open to new members, new contributions and future accrual. They do exist, both in local government and with some of the private sector, for example railways.

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