Tenerife is my holiday destination of choice.

I love it because it is so chavvy. Get on the plane at Gatwick North and you and 400 enthusiastic party going geriatrics are on their way to a winter wonderland where flood warning translates into “sunburn warning”.

Ok so the place is full of Germans (including my golfing partner who is Herman (the German).

Ok so Christianos and Playas dos Americas are full of @smashedstundents (follow on twitter for endless barfs)

Ok so Tenerife has pitched itself at the lowest common denominator of brute culture- golf – aqua parks and unlimited alcohol but hey!

This beats the hell our of eco-tourism, this beats the hell out of sitting at home looking after family.

Tenerife is the ultimate getaway and that means getting away from your responsibilities at home and putting up your feet in no style at all.

This week finds Tapper and Tapper at Abama, a place differentiated from other Tenerife resorts by being more expensive (important on an island that has no other value system than money). Abama is owned by Ritx Carlton and don’t they want you to know it. Abama has a golf course that costs 200 Euro to play and is unplayable le without a buggy and a set of mountaineering crampons (unless you are a golfinggoat).

Apart from the aforementioned Herman the German, the Tappers have had the pleasure of playing golf with the lovely Javi and Ali , a pair of Madrid teenagers. I know I am getting old when I find myself out-driven by a 14 year old girl and boy do I feel old this evening!

wouldn’t you rather be in Tenerife? Oh come on, the self-indulgent , stupid person in you is shouting yes, yes, yes! There are some lurvely photos of me and Olly on holiday. Hope you love em when Hotel Stupid’s low=fi lets me upload them

Over and out chavpots!