“London Super Sewer Faces Funding Probe” – how dirty is that?

Muck is in the air

The headline’s from the FT, about as close as that rag will get to pure filth. Sadly I am far from a shop and unwilling to avail myself of the FT’s premium on-line new service so the septic details will be left to the imagination.

But why are we drawn to stories about Super Sewers? Every time I see a program on BBC obscure about the wonders of the Parisian, London or Roman sewer systems, I rush to the remote. I know I am not alone. If Lloyd Grossman has produced “Through the u-bend” ratings would have trebled.

Of course our love of muck is pretty abstract, confronted by the real thing we are appalled. We are sanitised from our outputs – as the consultants might say, but somewhere in that slum dog millionaire world, there are still excremental vats refining and recycling our waste for the public good.

And the language that we use?

Presumably where there is muck there is brass and where there is brass there is corruption and the FT are holding their noses at the resulting financial stink.

If someone ends up prosecuted, the shit will fly. If you think how many of our day to day phrases reference our waste products, you get my drift. We are obsessed!

I know that Freud made a career analysing this, but you don’t have to have a degree in psychoanalysis to see the funny side.

The number one prank on Lady Lucy is to lift the hatch on the foredeck above the “Heads”. For those not familiar with the term- this practice gives visual access to the poor wretch on the toilet from directly above their heads!

On the throne we are as one, from a 7 year old prankster to President Obama. In our bodily functions- we are in life and death- co-joined!


£28 for a pump out – the FT should get to Harleyford!

Over the bank holiday week-end, I have had the chance not to think about any of the normal nonsense around the pension system. Instead I have had the pleasure of some wonderful people’s company aboard my boat.

We have drunk, eaten and pissed it up. This morning I will make my way to the Harleyford Marina where, for a princely sum, I will empty the boat of the summer’s sewerage. Lord , I pray that the pump out works or I will be initiating a funding probe on the Environmental Agency – £28?

Maybe we need the Bonnacon defence!

The BONNACON was a legendary bull-like animal that supposedly deterred attackers by spraying boiling hot jets of poo


such tender eyes!

Happy stress-free bank holidays to readers in England , Wales and Northern Ireland. Back to work ye Scots!


About henry tapper

Founder of the Pension PlayPen,, partner of Stella, father of Olly . I am the Pension Plowman
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