Corporate Golf days are such formulaic affairs…the obligatory “bacon rolls before and ploughmans after”, the lager shandies, the accusations of banditry and the stories of the put that got away.

Dull as ditch! And were this blog to concern itself with such nonsense it would soon be unread.

As you’d expect, the Pension Play Pen has a different take on the golf day. Not for us the goodie bags with branded balls (ouch!) . Not for us the largesse of a munificent organiser.

For us the delights of the Pension Jackal (Simon Kew in picture) and the hospitality of his fine club Surrey Downs.

Clearly it helps having a couple of large Armagnacs  before an early morning tee-off. Well it relaxed GFJ and the Jackal to the extent that they were strangers to the fairways for much of their rounds. That GFJ recovered enough to stiff a 220 yd 3 wood over the lake at the par 5 18th to come within inches of the hole’s first ever Albatross is nothing short of miraculous.

The Jackal chose to stalk the long-grass and boy was it long. Hole after Hole  he would emerge from the thick rough , pith-helmet in hand, to report another lost ball (his) and several found balls (ours). Respect is due to his irrepressible bonhomie and never faltering patience in the face of his disastrous round!

The Tournament was won by the regurgitated dal. Gurjit is too young to realise that winning against high handicappers with a high handicap is simply not done. He was unlucky that the low handicappers played so poorly. All the same, I thought his magnificent iron into the last securing him the winning points, was ill-advised.

Those of us with fat bellies understand  these things . Don’t suppose you can just rock up to a Play Pen event on that kind of handicap and not get “el bandito” inscribed on your forehead!!!

My son, there are times when it’s better to duff that final putt!

And there’s me promising not to go on about banditry-see how corporate golf days rot the soul?

Other highlights

Not only did GFJ produce the albatross shot of the day, he also drove some 28o yards into a 10 yard apron to the 9th green to win the longest drive. Well done sir!

Honourable mention to Mr Ben Mulroney who has run all previous events and founded this august society. He played with great aplomb, won the nearest the pin competition and ravished all the pretty girls in the clubs with his fine manners, good looks and tartan trousers.

 Nor can we forget Mr Dick Strattan, a non playing drinker this year, who’s avuncular presence ensured the happiest of returns to the clubhouse.

David Hargreaves (pictured in red), Gareth Shaw , Mike and Una (whose laughter still echos in our ears)- thanks to you.

Thanks too to Peter Robinson, Stuart Davidson and the Prince of the Workplace Tony Filbin (in).

 We are a happy play pen- proud of our independence. There is much that I would like to say of our conversations but as they say

What goes on tour…

Well done all; well done Gurjit in paricular.But above all thanks to Simon Kew for the day and Ben Mulroney for all that come before it.

On to the Play Pen Party on July 12th and the “alternative pension awards” – the least PC event on planet pensions!