My Cheltenham this week has consisted of sneakily watching and listening to races on my phone and with my buds as Zoom calls, panel sessions and keynote speeches pass me by.
Since I have had no time to study form, I have bet using my partner’s suggestions, which seen to be based on “bet on the furries” a novel system which involves on betting on horses with nosebands and “chops”. There may be some sense in this , though like all systems of betting , it cannot avoid “home bias”, “home” being the bookie’s satchel. As you can now bet digitally for as little as a quid a punt, I have confined my winnings to modest amounts, but I can say that for the first time in a few years , I am up.
Transports of delight
What I have been told , by those who watch these things, is that ITV’s coverage of the event has been a “moan-fest” of complaints from customers about the “Cheltenham experience”. The principal concern has been the time it has taken getting Chelsea Tractors out of the Passchendaele of the car parks. Zero sympathy here, there are only two ways into Cheltenham
- Walk up the hill from town
- Arrive in style by steam train from Burford.
There was a time not so long ago when stretch limos used to get stuck on the roundabout outside the course. I remember watching punters embarking these charabancs , highly inebriated to be divested of their winning by the young ladies who used these vehicles as mobile knocking shops. Beware any kind of public transport except the double decker bus for the infirm and pissed, that takes you back to the station
Will British racing ever recover?
By Wednesday night, the consensus was that British national hunt racing was in terminal decline. Alan King had entered the parade ring with a white flag, everyone but the Irish did not know how to buy a horse, train a horse or ride a horse.
It took a whole day for British racing to recover with “us” winning day three by 5 races to 2 and Jeremy Scott training a horse that cost less than a year’s training fees, beating the million pound superstars. Well done Golden Ace.
Yesterday was also notable for it not raining all day and for “Arry” to “shake em’ up” with a winner and Fergie to have his time with two. We can remind ourselves that when it comes to football, the boot is on the other foot. Friday looks like a return to the Irish hegemony, which bearing in mind the last 1000 years, is long overdue. I say these things as I am terrified of meeting Mick McAteer if I say any other. Come on you Oirish (a quarter of my blood runs green).
Crowds
Although I haven’t seen Thursday’s figure, the crowds for the first two days were well down and yesterday didn’t look particularly packed (an I-phone view admittedly). As I moaned on Monday, Cheltenham is now a trophy event where all the attention is on “being there”, which really means being there on Gold Cup day. Despite Ladies loving it, Ladies Day is no more and has been replaced by Style Day. A bunch of Ascot rejects were rolled out for the 10 O’Clock news which managed to do a three minute article on the Cheltenham Festival without sight of mention of a horse.
Cheltenham is too cold, too wet and too far from London to be Ascot. It is about horse racing not hat watching and it is not for the squeamish. Horses have died this year as they will die every year and if we don’t think horses should die at Cheltenham , we should ask ourselves “where should they die?” Cheltenham is for the people who get up early in the morning and ride horses out, it’s for the punters who turn up every day and then pass out and it’s for the horses and riders who put themselves on the line every fence , every furlong.
Racing
The Irish turn up with their horses, we turn up with our cocaine. Go into the corporate toilets in the corporate hostility areas of the course to see what I mean.
There have been far too few properly contested races this year, fields are down, close finishes have not happened , most races have seen the winners decided by the bottom of the hill.
The Gold Cup may be different, but the Champion races so far have been pretty dull affairs, the Champion Hurdle in particular was lame, the favorite for the Champion Case was touting as unfloor able but got pulled up after 5 fences , three of which it ran into. The Stayers Hurdle was ok but we badly need a good Gold Cup , if this year’s Festival is going to be remembered for the big races.
In truth , the Irish are in a different class in this game and that’s not good for the sport. Time was when the French would come a raiding, has there been a single French horse at Cheltenham this week? National Hunt Racing needs to widen its horizons.
Cheltenham on the small screen
Cheltenham will always grip me and I hope to go back and enjoy it. Not being there this year is not much fun, but I suspect I would not have had that much fun if I’d gone and got annoyed at great expense of time and money.
People like me are put off by the dilution in the quality of racing, ticket price inflation and the general sense that Cheltenham is there as a subsidy to the racing industry. Like Twickenham, it has become a trophy destination (and I don’t go there either). Racing survives at the small tracks and at point to points, it survives because people love horses not because they hate them. We need to put the horse back into the Festival and then you’ll get punter off the small screen and back into the stands!
