1.1 And there dwelt in South Gloucestershire, near the towns of Thornbury and Yate a man named Steve;

1.2 and Steve was godly and loved of all who knew him for he had done great deeds in Westminster – even deserving  the title “parliamentarian of the year”.

1.3 But Steve had been banished from Westminster by those who dwelt in Thornbury and those who dwelt in Yate and had taken work in the City working for Mammon.

1.4 And the Lord came to Steve in a dream and said unto him

1.5 My good servant, get thee back to Yate, for those who have banished you are living in bondage and suffer greatly at the hands of May and Hammond. And plead to your townsmen that they may return you to Westminster where you can work for the sick and the old once more

1.5 But Steve was sore afraid and answered

1.6 But Lord, I have sold my soul to Mammon and to a man they call Phil and am under contract to him. (And what’s more I ‘m loving it).

1.7 And the Lord said unto Steve

1.8 Was it for this that I commanded you to be made high priest of pensions and parliamentarian of the year?

1.9 And Steve was ashamed, and turned his head from the Lord – and hid.