“Driving home for Christmas“…

singing the song…..

there’s a service station at Fleet….

you know there’s a service station from the blue motorway signs telling you there’s a Kentucky Fried Chicken , a Waitrose and a Burger King just over the horizon.

In case you haven’t got the message , the brands are re-displayed at quarter mile intervals till Fleet services hoves into view – brands a-neon.

Watch out DAD!  If you don’t get grief from the kids over burgers and chicken wings, you’ll be hassled by the wife to get that last-minute present for the in-laws she forgot to pick up on shopping trip #49. Sing it!

Hark the M£3  brand names sing

“Glory to the Burger King”

May your kids grow fat and sicken

On the Colonel‘s popcorn chicken

Joyful see their prices rise

Profits pointing to the skies

Proletariat proclaim

Marks and Spencer‘s sacred name

Hark the Christmas bankers sing

“Santa’s mortgaged everything”

Christmas is not about giving, it is about buying.

It is not about receiving , it is about finding the receipt to exchange your presents for the cash with which to pay your February credit card bill.

La Senza is in administration, failed by Britain’s lingerie lovers. Worry not for Theo Paphitis has established an alternative brand to seduce loving couples into intimacy.

13% of retailers need a “super Christmas” to pay their quarter bills in January. Worry not for tomorrow it is Christmas and today we are quantitively eased.

 George Osbourne  should be holding up a sign saying

“don’t do it”

Lizzie should be broadcasting to her subjects..

Don’t pull off the M£3 to pay over the odds for fast food you can’t digest, don’t buy her those lacy underpants she’ll never wear.

You know you cannot afford it, you know you cannot remember a single present you got last year….don’t don’t don’t don’t.

Do go on a big long walk on Christmas day…

Do  cancel your Sky subscription and get back to playing those parlour games.

Do break out the sloe gin you made in October with a thousand sloes and ten thousand pricks with that darn(ing) needle!

Go to Church, love thy neighbour, read  “A Christmas Carol”…. but my people – do not spend the money we haven’t got!

Christmas naif that I am!

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